Contentment

Kids live mostly in the moment. But I don’t. I spend plenty of time dwelling on the past and wondering about the future. Ever since my dad passed away in 2009, Adam and I have wanted to move from Florida to Michigan where my family lives, but with the difficult job and housing market, we haven’t had the chance. And I have to admit, whenever we come north to see my family, I find myself imagining what it’d be like to live here.

I’ve been here in Michigan with Sky and Micah for a week now and most mornings I’ve been able to take a walk by myself while my mom plays with the kids. She lives just a few blocks from Lake Michigan, so that’s usually where I go. When I get to the top of the hill overlooking the beach, I always stop and stare out at the water and sky.

My mom likes to say, “There is no day when the beach isn’t pretty,” and she’s right. In the summer it’s a hot sparkly beauty, but in the winter, when the beach is empty and covered in snow and ice—that’s beautiful too, sometimes even more beautiful to me. And as I stand and look, my mind immediately envisions a house for Adam and the kids and me somewhere in the neighborhood, close enough to my mom for afternoon coffee and sunset picnics by the lake.

But I recently realized something. Daydreams about moving don’t benefit me at all. It’s the opposite. Instead of enjoying the simple fact that I’m standing in one of my favorite places, I’m focused on something I want. Instead of a rush of gratitude, I’m filled with a vague sense of unhappiness, as if I deserve something I don’t have.

The truth is Florida’s been good to Adam and me. The economy continues to struggle in both Michigan and Florida, and we know plenty of hard-working people who can’t find jobs. But Adam’s worked steadily for his family’s contracting business the past eight years. And since most of his family lives near us in Ocala, we get to see them often and we love spending time with them. We also love our friends, our church, Sky’s preschool, and our little sand-colored house. I don’t want to be a person who’s covered in blessings but still lacks contentment.

It snowed the other day and Sky and Micah were thrilled, even though it was only a couple inches. We ran around outside with my mom and sister and the dog, playing and making snowballs. I watched my kids laugh and thought about how at home I feel here with my family in the cold air. But just as my mind started wandering off, I felt someone—the Holy Spirit?—telling me to stop. To not let those wanting thoughts come in and wreck the fun. To not think so much at all really, and to be a little more like Sky and Micah. Thankful for the snow and the cold and the family around me today.

“But godliness with contentment is great gain.” – 1 Timothy 6:6