A few weeks ago Adam and I were watching the news when a story came on about moms who breastfeed their children until they wean themselves, even if that means nursing a six year old child. Time magazine had stirred up the controversy the week before by giving their cover to the topic.
As we watched the interview I turned to Adam and said, “There are moms who breastfeed their kids till they’re six? I’ll be happy if I make it six months with Autumn.”
Nursing my babies has not come easily. During each pregnancy, I’ve had a new strategy. With Autumn, I thought maybe our home birth would help. I thought if I wasn’t separated from her at all the first week of her life, I might magically produce more milk than I did for Sky and Micah (I didn’t). I also thought if I ate more or differently this time, or mastered the SNS, or saw the lactation consultant early enough I would make enough milk (I didn’t).
My babies have all had formula. Lots of it. Way more formula than breast milk. I think I’ve started to come to terms with it. My mom and Adam have both helped me tremendously, reassuring me that I’ve done everything I can and reminding me that our children have all been healthy anyway. I know they’re right, so I’m mostly okay about it. But then something—like seeing a picture of someone breastfeeding her six year old under the title “Are You Mom Enough?”—will trigger my frustration and guilt all over again.
A few days after the news story, some friends started passing around a post written by Kristen Howerton in response to the Time article. You really should head over there right now and read it because it’s amazing, but in case you don’t, here’s the general idea: There is no point in allowing the media to manipulate us into arguments over whether or not it’s good to breastfeed a child through kindergarten. Why waste our time criticizing well-meaning mothers over the absolute perfect way to parent when there are some children in the world with no parents at all? Why aren’t we all worked up about that?
My breastfeeding struggles have always been about my babies and me. But now when something stirs up that familiar sting of disappointment, I think of Kristen’s post. And I feel a little less sad for Autumn and a little less sorry for myself. My mind goes to the orphans in the world and God’s love and concern for them. I think about friends I have who’ve adopted needy children and I’m reminded to pray for them. I should allow God to lift my head up, away from my own problems more often.
“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” – James 1:27
You are doing the very best you can for your babies, and that looks so different for everyone! I have read that even a few month of breastfeeding can give our little ones a great start. Jude was breastfed for a long time, Owen was trying to grab my spoon/fork at 5 months old and weened himself before I was ready!
I cringe a little bit when I think of all the formula Sophie drank (she is still getting use to solid food- when we got her @ 18 months old she was still on a mainly bottle fed formula diet that she would lay in her crib and drink alone). Regulations for milk & everything else in China is so different I have to wonder what her little body was taking in. But no matter- she is healthy and learning to eat healthy food now and we are so grateful.
Love you friend! Your little ones are blessed to have you as their mama!!
PS- I love that article by Kristen- right on!
You & your little Sophie come to my mind often. What a blessing you are to her!
I also identified with Kristen’s fight for the child, not about the children. One of God’s works in our lives was to make nursing our 3rd child very difficult after “successfully” nursing the first two. After nearly everyone in the house crying for 4 days, we became a bottle family. In His graciousness, He was teaching me (among other things) that when we brought home babies I hadn’t birthed, bottle families were just as much “ours” as the nursed ones
. Thankful He is teaching you some of those things, too!
How awesome that you can look back and see God preparing you. It was fun to see you at GBB the other day. =)
Excellent post, Linni. You’re an awesome mom!!
Linnea, thank you for this!
I was with you…with my first, Jack (now 3) I did EVERYTHING I could to get him to nurse. The lactation consultant came to our house, I went to the local “Milk Specialists” in our city, etc. Finally the day came where I was crying and Jack was crying I thought, “this isn’t the emotional connection that I thought breastfeeding would be…”. So I pumped! I felt like a cow with a milking machine but I pumped until he was 8 months old and supplemented here and there with formula. When my second, Violet came along I gave it a try again…and the same story happened. I pumped for her until she was 6 months.
I couldn’t have a stronger connection with both of my children now at 3 & 2.
Anyhow, it was good to read another mom in my same shoes.
I loved that Kristen Howerton post and agreed wholeheartedly …there are kids out there with no parents at all…and it encouraged me…it’s time to adopt
Blessings Linnea,
Laurie
I pump too. It’s hard, but I’m thankful to at least give what I can to Autumn. And I know, Kristen makes me want to adopt too!
Just when we are about to enjoy the blessings/desires of our heart that God gives us, the devil is readily standing nearby to whisper lies in our ears which will quickly snatch away the joy/peace/contentment of what we have and who we are in every arena of our life. He tries to redefine our knowledge of who God created us to be by distracting us with comparisons to others and through the media. God gave each one of us, the children that He knew would benefit them under our nurturing (knowing our strenghts and weaknesses) and in turn, would cause us to grow even closer to Him while doing so. I wished I would have recognized that when I was raising our children, for what I tell you is from hindsight and now with the eyes of seeing God’s grace on them during the moments I felt like I had failed in child rearing. May God bless each one of you young mothers with knowing what a blessed gift you are to your children.