The Basics

Last weekend Sky got to be the flower girl in a wedding. She handled the rehearsal no problem, but Adam and I were a little nervous she might freak out on the big day. In the end, it all went fine. Sky and Mason, the ring bearer, took a slight detour on their way to the front, but eventually made it to the right spot with the wedding party. Then Sky stood silently in her assigned place throughout the ceremony, even though she was in direct sunlight the whole time.

When I look at the pictures now, I smile. But the actual day was a bit tense for us. It’s not easy to keep very young children quiet through a wedding ceremony, especially a tired three month old. I’d spent most of the day trying to get Autumn to take a decent nap, but by 5:30 when the wedding began, it still hadn’t happened. I ended up taking her home early. Sky’s flower girl experience is more fun for me now as a memory than it was in the moment. It feels like a lot of my life is like that right now.

Autumn still wakes up many times each night, sometimes every hour or two, and it’s hard to enjoy the days when I’m this sleep deprived. Sometimes during the long nights, I find myself in tears, wondering how I’ll make it through the next day with my three little ones. Pile on top of that a few other stresses and uncertainties, and suddenly the phrase “I can’t do this” starts circling around in my brain.

But morning always comes. And when the sun comes up, God faithfully reminds me that His grace is sufficient and His mercies are new every morning. With His help I can take every thought captive and stay calm. So I get a cup of coffee and tell myself that Autumn will not wake me up seven times a night for the rest of her life. It helps. And God continually puts bright spots into each day. Like 5:30pm when Adam walks in the door after work. And Skylar in a long white dress with a crown of flowers on her head. Autumn’s slobbery smiles. Micah laughing and jumping on the trampoline with his buddy Levi.

I don’t have much time right now for reading or the ability to think about deep, spiritual matters. But I can do the basics. Talk to God while I feed the baby. Read my Bible five minutes at a time. Notice the blessings around me. Keep trying to cultivate the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, no matter how many times I fail. And take pictures for the days ahead, when I’ll look back on all this through the happy haze of motherhood memory.