Putting Autumn in Sky’s old baby clothes makes me happy. As she gets older, Autumn might not be a fan of wearing her big sister’s hand-me-downs, but for now she has no objections. And for me, Sky’s baby clothes take me back to her early months, when motherhood was a brand new miracle.
Sky was born after three and a half years of infertility. She was also the first grandchild on either side of the family, and we all went a bit crazy buying things for her. When she was six months old, I boxed up all the clothes she’d outgrown, many with the tags still on. I’ll never forget packing away her tiny jammies, wondering if we’d ever have a reason to get them out again. When you think you might not have any children, one is incredible, wonderful, enough in every way. But then of course, my mind wandered and my heart hoped…
So yes, seeing Autumn drooling down the front of Sky’s old outfit brings a great big smile to my face. If you’d told me during Sky’s first few months that by the time she turned four we’d have a son and a second daughter, I would have laughed first and then probably cried a little too.
Lately I’ve been thinking about the blessing of not getting what I wanted at the exact moment I decided to want it. I won’t call infertility itself a blessing because for those still struggling with it, it’s anything but that. But from where I stand now, the years I spent waiting to have children—wondering if I’d ever have them at all—make it just a bit harder for me to complain about the challenges of being a mom. I am so thankful God said yes to our prayers, but also I’m thankful He took His time.
And that makes me wonder about the difficult things I’m waiting through now (because it seems there’s always something). Is it possible to see the potential blessing of waiting, even when I’m still in its indefinite middle? Not just to appreciate God’s plan in hindsight, but in the moment, even when it hurts? Even when it makes no sense and feels all wrong?
I’m a long way from that kind of whole-hearted trust in the Lord. I still lean plenty on my own understanding. But God is patient with His children. And I love the way He uses little things—like old baby clothes—to gently remind me that His plans are always better than mine.
I know exactly what you mean! I have to daily search to see my blessings that are clearly in front of me. Its hard to see during the molding and shaping seasons of life. Our God is a good God. His plans are way cooler than ours
Linnea, this is so insightful. Learning to trust in Him is such a process, but I love seeing where you are in that journey, it spurs me on toward the same thing. Thank you!!