For the first time the other day Micah called his little sister “Baby Autumn” instead of “Baby Ottoman”. Is it weird that it made me a bit sad? Most of the time though, he’ll touch her fluffy hair and say, “Dat’s my SISSER!” and then, “I’m the brother,” and always after that, “I’m a BIG BOY!” (It seems like Sky and Micah yell just about everything they say these days, especially if Autumn’s asleep.) He’ll pat her head and sometimes her forehead, and before he can get near her eyes I’ll ask, “Where are your cars?” and he’s off and running.
Sky loves her little sister too. She sings to her, plays with her hair, and shakes rattles for her. Right now we’re working on holding the rattles further than one inch from Autumn’s eyes. We’re also practicing our “inside voices” a whole lot.
The volume level in our house is definitely high. Sometimes it really grates on me. But sometimes I stop and stare at my kids in amazement. Am I really a mom? To three children? I think back to life four years ago, when it was just Adam and me and our big, quiet, clean house. Now we live somewhere smaller. And I clean all the time, but it’s still usually a disaster.
Sometimes I miss that clean, pretty house. But I would never want to live there again, where our infertility filled the empty spaces.
It’s interesting how waiting for something later changes the experience of it. I’m grateful we went through infertility for many reasons, especially for the way it shapes me as a mom—my difficult memories make it a little harder for me to complain about my dreams-come-true, AKA Skylar Grace, Micah Nathan, and Autumn Faith.
It’s easy for me to be thankful for our infertility now. It’s over. Our story has a happy ending times three. I was not thankful for it as we waited. I hated it. And I hate infertility in others’ lives now.
So how does God want us to cope with waiting? Especially when it’s the painful kind?
In Thessalonians, the Apostle Paul says believers should “rejoice always, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances.” It’s a convicting verse for sure. But Pastor Colin Smith once pointed out that Paul doesn’t say we should give thanks for all circumstances; we’re to be thankful in them. The Bible always directs our attention to God Himself.
I’m not waiting for a baby anymore. But I’ve since learned that waiting will always be part of life. Motherhood has filled my life with blessings. But it’s also handed me a new set of burdens. And there are new things I’m waiting for now. But God has taken the pressure off. He doesn’t ask me to be thankful for frustrating, painful circumstances—only for His faithfulness in them.
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.” – Romans 8:28
I just can just hear your heart overflowing with God’s joy and fulfillment. Your story gives us hope for others who are waiting to have their own children, in God’s perfect timing. Yes, it is hard to understand His way of doing things, especially His timing.
Baby Autumn – can you imagine what she is thinking as she lays there, listening to her big brother and sister entertain her in their loud voices, shaking toys a bare inch from her face? Hahaha It won’t be long and she will be interacting with them.
Love the photo! Maybe you can get your mother to take a picture of all of you, while she is visiting you.
Miss all of you! Momma C
I love your uncomplicated explanation of God’s simple thankfulness principle. Thank you for a great post today.
Dealing with infertility can be so crushing, and yet like all struggles God truly can use it to refine us! I too feel like I appreciate my little girl more because of what we had to deal with to get her. Her little sister should be joining us in a few weeks and I could not be more grateful.
Bless your family and thank you for sharing.
Congratulations! What an exciting time in your family! =)
Linnea I just wrote these verses down and reciting them over and over. I have been so sick with this pregnancy and need to be thankful anyways. I am always encouraged by you. Thanks for that!
The first trimester is so hard that way! Especially when you have a toddler who doesn’t understand. I’m sorry you’re feeling sick, but very excited about the reason behind it… =) Still, I hope the morning sickness passes soon!