These Little Years

We’re on vacation this week at my mom’s house in Michigan, which means late bedtimes, junk food, beach time, and lots of extra arms to help with the kids. Breaks are really nice. Autumn is still waking up a lot at night, but when I get to spend half the morning drinking coffee at my mom’s kitchen table, chatting with my brothers and sisters while my mom entertains the little ones, well, the tiredness doesn’t seem so bad.

I’ve had some extra time to read too. I love getting lost in a novel, but considering my current state of motherhood (overwhelmed), I figured now might be a good time to read a couple parenting books. Friends keep talking about Loving the Little Years by Rachel Jankovic, a mom with five children age five and under (!!!), so I decided to start there.

Here is what Jankovic realized after having a set of twins: “There were a few months there in the middle of winter when I had two nursing infants, and two toddlers—three out of four in diapers… I can remember around this time taking the garbage out and just standing outside the door taking some deep breaths, getting ready to go back in. It was somewhere around this time that I realized I had better strike the word ‘overwhelmed’ from my vocabulary. God gave me this to do. I may not be overwhelmed about it… Actually, I may be overwhelmed, but I may not say that I am overwhelmed! The words have a real power over us. If you say it, you allow it for yourself.”

I wonder how many times I’ve told Adam I’m overwhelmed. And other people. Like you, reader friend (um… see paragraph #2). And as I sit here acknowledging it, I’m aware that it hasn’t helped me at all. I can’t even say it’s an emotional release to vent it out because I usually just feel guilty later for complaining. Words do have a power over us and I know my words set the tone in my house.

A few pages later Jankovic points out how irritated we get with our kids when they whine and complain instead of doing what we ask of them. She describes two children: one who willingly jumps in to clean up her room and another who picks up one toy and then “lays down to cry a bit about all the rest of them. You know as a parent that lying down and whimpering about the tasks does not get them done… The child who is really working faithfully will see progress, will see that the task is doable. The child who is feeling sorry for him or herself will never get past that emotional low without some disciplinary intervention.”

She then asks if I see myself in that.

Hmm. Maybe I should be reading a novel…

Really though, I’m glad to be reading Jankovic’s book, even though at times it’s an uncomfortable read. I need the encouragement to be firm with myself the way I am with my kids. And it’s nice to be reading it here at my mom’s, where I’m away from the usual routine with a little extra time to rethink how I do things at home. As always, being with my mom and brothers and sisters reminds me that pouring myself into family is worth the effort.